Milestones

Everyone and every project has milestones. We give life meaning by acknowledging and celebrating them, for ourselves and for others. Sometimes they creep up on us solely because enough time has passed. The other times, they are approached through diligent goals that have been set. The latter is without a doubt more satisfactory for the soul, but when are you going through something that is not only difficult but wholly out of your control, the first way is entirely unavoidable. One must sit and let it happen, watching it unfold as only nature will have it. This is incredibly frustrating if you are all too aware of the situation and if you are a control freak. I'll admit to being a bit of a nut, but the past 6 months have forced me to change the way I handle and react to what I have been given, for the sake of my sanity.

To be Captain Obvious for a minute, each pregnancy has nearly endless milestones that can be pointed out (and are most commonly represented week to week by a different piece of fruit that correlates to the approximate size of the fetus). When life jumps from the fraction of the size of a grain of sand from a beach to the size of a dachshund in just 9 months, it goes without saying that a lot is at play here.

Now when it comes to an incredibly high risk multiples pregnancy, the palpable milestones more than double. When your doctor tells you at your 1st ultrasound that in all likelihood your body will involuntarily abort the fetuses because they are technically a glitch as far as pregnancy is concerned (and the body is very in tune with this fact), each new little victory is worthy of recognition and praise.

Like all expectant mothers, detecting the heart beating very early on, telling friends & family, and then getting past the first trimester are the most common reasons for celebration. Many are run of the mill: picking out names, the baby shower, shopping & buying for the child, documenting your growing body, happy stuff like that.

But which of these do you chose to plan for and follow through with, when you could lose one or both of your babies at any given moment?

What do you find in your heart to go ahead and get ready for them when every time you try, a cruel voice in your head reminds you that you might lose them, and whatever you are considering to do for them might be something you are crying your eyes out over later. Just what can you endure?

When every baby needs so many things (materially speaking), what do you buy for your children when there is a 50% chance you will have to either return it all or donate it all?

Asking yourself these questions, as all realistic MoMo mommies-to-be must, is utterly heart-wrenching. Even the most positive lot cannot avoid the reckoning. I am by nature an optimist but the situation has unreservedly taken stock in my bones.

Even though the risk is in no way minimized by me being further along, I have found an unshakeable stance of confidence in the girls now that they have reached legal fetal viability. Going inpatient is without a doubt one of my biggest milestones in this crazy rollercoaster of a pregnancy. But the past few weeks of being hyper aware of their viability, I have begun itching to shop for their things and buy for them. It doesn't help that little girl stuff can be unbearably cute. They have their fair share of neutral/borderline boyish hand-me-downs from their big brother, but there is no denying the pink and purple, the ruffles and sparkles, the tutus and hair bows.

My cousin must have tapped into my newly found readiness to finally embrace the inevitable accumulation of things for them because I just received a very thoughtful package in the mail from her & and her husband. I had planned to do a little shopping this week for them to set my nesting urges at ease, but upon opening this glorious box of polka dots and pink, I fear there is no turning back now. Ha!

Another milestone was also met at my second fetal echocardiograph this morning. Wonderful news all across the board with this one. All foreseeable holes are now closed, all arterial connections properly in place, each chamber functioning as it should. It is a very lengthy examination spending no less than 45 minutes per heart, which is hard to sit through when a) you're a worried mom and b) you're having a massive hot flash that is turning into raging nausea. Then sitting afterwards while they discuss it in an office without you. I guess that is what makes it that much sweet when 2 fetal cardiac specialists inform you at the end that every thing checks out beautifully. God is one of mercy.

My second appointment of the day today was with the OB/GYN doctors to discuss my imminent hospital stay (SUNDAY!!!). It was a relatively quick visit - and - bonus? They told me that while I may start off in a shared room, I will be moved to a private room for the duration of my stay! Hooray!

In case you were burning with desire to see a couple of outfits that were included in the lovely box from my cousin:

 

And these are the first things we bought them as Mommy & Daddy from our little trip to Chinatown yesterday (a large children's quilt that I cannot wait to see them cuddling together under & a Hello Kitty nightlight) :

 

 

And here is a little glimpse into the walls that I have become so familiar with over the past 6 months, starting with the view from my ultrasound place (same place as my maternal fetal medicine specialists & fetal echocardiograph specialists--and only 2 floors up from where I will be inpatient) :

 

 

The ultrasound room I have been in many, many times, anxious, worried, excited, & beside myself with relief:

 

 

 

And a peek inside my OB/GYN's room (the top left twin example is mono-mono), this appointment thankfully being my last thing of the day to do besides take a bath & enjoy the whole chicken, vegetables & stuffing my husband is currently roasting for our dinner :