to hell and back to limbo

im so unbelievably exhausted but wanted to jot down how my day was because it was intense. apologies for all the incorrect grammar im not even trying today.

reasons 9 pm last night - 2 pm today sucked.

• one baby had decels down in the 40s
• having to hear the doctor say sternly " you need to call your husband."
• my rabbit ate my husband's phone charger yesterday and he had to go and buy a new one
• had to be transferred to Labor and Delivery floor
• put on continuous monitoring for 12 hours, after a 3 hour NST
• my iphone was dead and I couldn't reach it plugged in
• had to share a room
• had to share a room and it was with a mom, her husband and her newborn twins
• had to have my 2nd round of steroids and they wear off 1-2 weeks after taking them. this is the last round my doctors will give me. praying it carries over to when I do deliver them (hopefully it will be as scheduled) so it is useful to their lungs.
• had to be on a magnesium IV for 12 hours and it made me sicker than I have ever been before -- I thought I was going to explode/burst into fire, covered in icepacks, eating ice, vomiting
• every time her twins cried, I cried. It was overwhelming. It was beautiful to hear them cry, so I cried. It was depressing to hear them cry, because they weren't mine and this lady was already with her twinnies, so I cried. They cried, and I cried because of the anxiety of monitoring. Sad sad sad.
• they wouldn't let me eat but didn't want to anyway
• when I finally got lunch, it was plain pasta zero sauce zero salt that had been reheated in a way that made it crunchy rendering it entirely inedible
• had to use a bed pan in a room with other people in it -- humiliation at its finest
• something about that room made me sneeze a lot

reasons today didn't suck:

• after the deceleration scares, and hooked up to IV etc, the twins actually gave pretty lovely readings the whole other 12 hours. go figure. but would rather it be that way of course! the doctors had no way of knowing and I am glad they took the precautions they did even if they scarred me for life and if I ever hear the word magnesium after this hospital stay I cant say for sure whether my eye will twitch but my guess is it will
• I was able to come back down to my room which is highly preferred even though I will be paranoid from here on out about having to go back upstairs and have last night/this morning repeated
• my dad bought me chipotle and hot chocolate, yum! can you tell I am pregnant
• I got a nice little 3 hour visit with my son in today which was a breath of fresh air...he's been acting up lately because his mommy and daddy are never home but today he was a sweet little treat
• lots of people still came into my room after I got back but the day nurse left me alone pretty much. yay!

tonight we will be doing a NST, i'll have vitals done, then at 3am I have to get my 2nd shot of steroids. really hope it goes smoothly, I feel so weak I don't know i'd have it in me to have a repeat of last night *shudder*